this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He kissed a someone with a penis
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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