awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
