Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Im part way to drunk.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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