She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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