Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
