um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
