woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
