fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
