I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
