Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
