let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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