all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
