On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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