I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
