I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
