Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
