You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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