please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
