Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
