so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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