honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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