Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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