i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
