I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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