you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
