FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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