I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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