I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
