Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Also, beer. Big fan.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize