did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
