Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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