If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
