I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
