He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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