Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
