I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
