I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
