Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize