I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
