He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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