Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
