This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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