im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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