Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Screwed.edu
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
