i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
