You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
