i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
