Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Panties = found
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
