I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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