my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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