Sry I called you an 8
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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