So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
