Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
PANTIES FOUND
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
