3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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