So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
