I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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