no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
