I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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