I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
