if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
