you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
