dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
