i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
