i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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