I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
