my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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