she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
