it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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