Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
