Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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