this beer tastes like vomit already
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
