I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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